GOING THROUGH CHANGES by
Joan
(Editors Note: This memoir of how the women's liberation movement
changed one woman's life first appeared in the November 1971 issue
of Womankind, the CWLU newspaper.)
I remember
when I first thought about whether Women's Liberation was relevant
to me. I decided against it. My good (male) friend had gently hinted
that this Women’s Liberation thing was attracting quite a few
of the "cool" girls at school and maybe I should look
into it. I thought it over, then explained that I didn't share those
women's problems. After all, I wasn't too shy to talk in my classes.
I talked as much as the men. Anyway, I had always said that I liked
feeling inferior to a man. I was looking for (and having trouble
finding) a man who was stronger than me, smarter than me, and in
general just a touch better than me at everything -- someone I could
look up to and lean on.
When I heard
that part of the Women's Liberation line was about how women should
be permitted to be as loud and aggressive as they wanted, I was
a bit more turned on. Not that I considered myself an aggressive
bitch type. On the contrary, I had worked long and hard to be able
to be aggressive AND still feminine. I knew that if I wanted to
talk as much as I did and say the things that I did, I had damn
well be charming at the same time. I wasn't into eyelash-batting
but there were ways that I walked, sat, dressed, etc. that "saved"
me from being labeled a castrating bitch. Then I read the Bitch
Manifesto, by and about a woman who wanted to be her normal
aggressive self without trying to be charming too, and it really
affected me. I could feel how that woman felt (like I was trying
to avoid feeling) and I could see how a woman like me was being
accepted precisely because I wasn't as "bad" as her.
I realized
the whole thing was ridiculous -- women being told to play this
absurd game of having a certain kind of personality and actually
going along with it. Why should I have to do a song and dance routine
to be accepted for what I really am? I felt like a fool. Instead
of my usual feelings of jealousy of other women, I felt angry that
I was feeling jealous. I had been manipulated into that feeling,
so we would all keep trying for the stupid image. It was the contest
approach. We were all in the Miss America pageant. How humiliating.
Seeing how
unequal things were between men and women, and how women (me too)
had accepted it, helped me to see how unequal things were for many
people in our society. And the whole society just accepts it, even
though some people are starving and others are millionaires. In
my own middle-class life, I sometimes feel like I'm starving, when
I'm sitting home with my two kids while my husband is out doing
his exciting work-of-his-own-choice. I starve for novelty, stimulation,
the opportunity to grow and help others grow and change things.
It's unfair that my life should be determined by my sex, and it
makes me furious -- too angry to put up with it much longer. That
people are actually starving for food is so much worse that it seems
unbearable.
Recognizing
the unfairness of the situation is liberating in itself. I like
not having to worry about clothes anymore, and I don't mind being
scorned by people who would have me be a stupid object. It's a pleasure
to have warm, wonderful feelings for other women -- not just to
see them as friends rather than enemies, but to consider how we
women can mean so much to each other as not to need men. Struggling
with Women's Liberation is also very difficult, especially since
I am trying to work out a happy relationship with a man, something
I hope but don't know is a possibility. Since I have become a part
of the Women's Liberation Movement, I am more and more convinced
that our Movement is right. Unlike so much else that I and my sisters
have become involved in; I haven't and won't lose interest, and
I'll never turn back.
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